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Dear Jill: Should I Date a Male Model?
I’ve been getting a lot of “Dear Jill” questions lately. I’ve also been reminiscing with an old friend, my Modeling Advisory Board member Ricky Haas, about our male model dalliances (does a year+ count as a “dalliance”?). We held a board meeting, the two of us, plus our spouses (what husband doesn’t want to talk about her wife’s hunky ex?), to discuss those rocky times with our exquisitely sculpted pretty boys (I did not actually use the description “exquisitely sculpted” in the meeting, but something similar—that goes over well with husbands also). It got me thinking about one of my favorite “Dear Jill”s of all time. I actually ran it twice in Tear Sheet magazine, seeing as the wisdom contained in it is so timeless.
I’m going to run it again here, as a reminder to send your Dear Jill Questions (they need not be about male models, but those questions are always welcome) and as a test to see if my husband ever reads my blog. If you are a male model, you may want to skip this post. If you do read it, feel free to comment and defend your kind.
Tear Sheet Excerpt:
As this is the Male Model Issue, I decided to reach deep into the cobweb and skeleton-filled Tear Sheet archives—16 issues back—and resurrect the very first “Dear Jill,” a delicate and intricate analysis of another male model issue: Should one date a male model? My answer hasn’t changed much, since several years of hands-on research have only verified what I suspected all along.
Here’s the original version, with a few edits and improvements derived from experience (those passing years do have some value in the modeling world). Read it, clip it, frame it, and male models: don’t be offended. I’m sure devilish will continue to be desirable well into the next millennium.
Dear Jill,
I’m a 19-year-old model from Kansas, and I just arrived in South Beach. I met a guy, a big-time model, at a bar last night. He wants to help me out and take me to New York. He’s such a hunk! Should I trust him? (He doesn’t know I’m only 19.)
—Dorothy, Miami Beach, FL
Oh Dotty, Dotty, Dotty, Earth to Dotty,
OK, I’ll skip the “You’re only 19; you should be home playing fetch with Toto, not out in bars flirting with the big dogs” spiel. After all, you’re older than half the models guzzling beers faster than they can grab for the next free drink pass.
Onto the core issue: the guy. Four years ago my answer would have been simple: No male models ever! My new answer? NO MALE MODELS EVER, NEVER EVER, NO EXCEPTIONS, ABSOLUTELY NOT, NO, NEVER!!!
And who said he was “big-time”? Him? He’s either a conceited liar or a big-time model—both of which are bad news. Mix the Scarecrow, the Lion, and the Tin Man together; put this scary combo on the yellow brick road walking backwards away from Oz and Gwendolyn and all things good; gradually extract bits of brain, courage, and heart, along with lots of young girls’ reputations torn up like tornado-struck towns; and, voilà , you’ve got the path of the male supermodel.
A bit harsh? Maybe, but never mind, it’s all irrelevant. You can’t keep your age from him forever. As soon as he finds out you’re 19, he’s going to start looking for someone younger.
—Jill
***********************************************************************
Bonus question: Are most male models gay? I’ll answer that later this week.
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Ohhh Jilly…where to start? This is a fantasic topic!
worked for me at the time. 11 fantastic years to be exact:)
As you are very aware, I have had my fair share of encounters here or there with the random male model. Whether it be a 1 yr relationship (that was the longest and twice might I add, two separate models!!) or the “couple week” commitment.
Here’s my thoughts, at the TIME dating a male model WORKED for me. I couldn’t keep a commitment to the “boys at home” because I travelled the world for 10 months out of the year, he/they stayed home and went to college, or played in a band or had a “real” job. So dating a male model that I would run into in different countries, travel together, or just had fun together on a trip
I have grown up from those days, what I wouldn’t recommend is marrying them! Or finding any REAL long-term commitment from them. I don’t need a man fighting me for the mirror, or admiring himself more then ME. That is just crazy talk.
So to a young female traveling the world right now modeling, I would say GO FOR IT, have fun while it lasts. Take it with a grain of salt and don’t get all soaked up in the pleasure of dating a hard body, hottie. When you grow up you will find your true love somewhere outside of the tear sheets.
I mean come on, look at our husbands Jill, they are true prizes and had nothing to do with the modeling world. Even though mine is CONVINCED that if he met me while I was modeling I would have stopped everything to be with him. Ahhh bless him.
There is my two cents, love the subject and love that you have quoted me as being on your ADVISORY BOARD, thank you, you know what that means to this ex model.
Yours truly,
Ricky (Ex International Model and Model Mentor Advisory Board member)
This is a loaded question. First thing that comes to mind is, is it better to date a model, a photographer, a bar owner, or a civilian? HA:) To answer this directly, DON’T TRUST ANYONE!!! Unless of course, you really know them very well and for a very long time. If you’re in the modeling industry, you will meet many models that you may want to date. When I first started modeling at 18, I fell for every straight model there was and they all turned out to be a bit too free spirited. When I was in my mid 20′s, I was much wiser. I had several male model friends that are still friends 20 something years later. I had male models as room mates, and we would fight for the shower and the mirror. I was also lucky enough to date a male model for several years. We had a fabulous time traveling all over together and remain friends. The positive parts of dating a male model is that they understand the industry and realize it’s a job to be taken seriously. The down side is traveling apart for work. If you are going to date a male model, make sure they are busy with work. You don’t want to be dating a bum or someone that just wants arm candy. The reality is, you will date models, hang out with models and you will make lifetime memories doing so. Eventually, you grow up, want a family, decide on a new career, have some heartache thrown in for good measure and meet the man you will spend your life with. In my case, I cherish every male model I ever went out with, because they played a part in who I am today….which is happily married to a hard working man and a happy mother with a career….BUT boy, am I glad I had all that fun in my 20′s!:)
P.S. Also x-international model and part of the advisory board:)